I doubt my story is sad. i'm sure many people go through worser things in life, famine, poverty, abuse. but for a 16 year old girl i've never felt so alone. teenagers shouldn't feel like this. i know that i'm probably blowing my own trumpet when i say "life is just dreadful" i bet your asking how horrible can your life be? i've been through much worse... and besides your just a kid! well believe it or not i've hit rock bottom. i can't cry anymore because there's just no point... that's what i ask myself every morning, what's the point?
i'm not gonna bore you with soppy, sad details of my pathetic life. but incase your interested i'll give you an insight. from a very young age i've witnessed things... my father (i use that term loosely) having affairs with numerous women. age 8, i uncovered a secret mobile phone for his slutty mistresses. now i don't know if you'll agree with me, but an eight year old sitting at the top of the stairs listening to her parents argue isn't one of the childhood highlights i'd like to remember. but it wasn't just one affair, it wasn't just one fight. this happened on several occasions, and what could i do as a child. just sit there with my fingers in my ears and pray. pray that it was over, pray that the shouting would end. i remember once witnessing my mother coming home from work angry. still in her uniform she headed to the kitchen and pulled out a knife. she ran towards him screaming,she had found out about another one of his sordid little affairs. i just ran upstairs and let my older brother and sister handle the situation. oh yeah.. my siblings! i'll get on to them later.
as the years went on i grew resentful. towards my father mainly. but everything in this house was beginning to piss me off. and to top it all off my mother decided to play a game of her own.. what's that saying? "an eye for an eye" oh yes, she stared a little fling of her own. with an internet boyfriend. of course i was curious to know more. so i spied on her, i tracked her emails and texts. but the real shock came when i was scrolling down her emails and saw one with an attachment, pictures. naked pictures to be precise! who knew my mother was a slut!
it was around this time i was getting aggressive. i had walked out of my lessons several times, i swore at my teacher once. i was failing r.e and to top it all off i had 'stressed out' at many of my classmates. of course this all lead to tears, my teachers asking me what was wrong, the sympathetic yet patronizing looks. the thing is i can tell people how I'm feeling, that's just a thing i have. i can't communicate with my family let alone my maths teacher who was 'concerned' as soon as school finished i ran straight up to my room. i just wanted to be alone. depressed? i wouldn't use that word. but i certainly enjoyed my own company. when my mum tried to have the awkward conversations with me i'd just swear at her viciously and run up to my room. by this point a lot had happened, my brother had moved out. my sister's secret fling with a younger man was found out. (by me of course, she was 26 at the time and he was 17) and i had an altercation with my mother regarding her dirty little affair. by looking at her emails it looked like she was considering divorce for this man she had never met. the fact that i was spying on her didn't go down well. lets just say there was more swearing and hitting. i had also started self harming, i became detached from my family and every night i would cry myself to sleep. i don't know why. but i just broke down... i hated everyone in this world including myself.
